Michael's Blog

Stupid, funny things.

29 June 2007

What are the odds

So this guy fires into some metal target a long way away with a very high power gun. What are the odds that the bullet hits the target bounces back, and then bounces on the ground and then hits him in the head. Not very good.

21 June 2007

The Bike Wreck I Wish Everyone Had Seen

I moved to Provo and within a month I wrecked my car. For the summer, while I was waiting to get another car and while I was paying for the repairs of the car that I hit, I rode my bike to work. I worked at Independent Study which is located in South Provo. The ride was close to 10 miles and I rode it everyday. At the end of the ride to work there is an right turn that starts an s shape curve into the parking lot. The turn is also downhill.

Most days I would hit the turn and slowly glide around the curve and hit the parking lot with no problems. One day, however, I was in a fun mood and so when I hit that hill I decided I was going to take it as fast as I could. I sped up as fast as I could and started my turn. The first turn was a right turn and I hit the corner perfectly. The gravity raised my speed to levels I hadn't felt before. I then prepared for the harder left turn. I knew I would have to take it really wide to be able to make it into the parking lot. I hoped no cars would be coming out. I leaned from the right to the left and started the left turn.

See the route and location of the crash at Google Maps

As I rounded the corner I could see there was no car coming and I was relieved but now I was worried about a new danger. I was going so fast and I wasn't sure if I was going to make the turn and avoid the curb on the right hand side of the street. I tried leaning as far as I could. I was amazed that I could actually lean the bike all the way to almost a 25 degree angle with the ground. I was afraid that at any moment my wheels would stop gripping the concrete and I would lose the bike and slide, surely scraping my arms, face, and back into hamburger.

I barely made the turn. Once again I was relieved and once again I was worried about a new danger. I was still leaning at my 20 degree angle but now I was trying to go up onto the parking lot. That meant over the bump and the sidewalk.

It is amazing all that you can think about in a few milliseconds. I thought, "I am such an idiot." and "What was I thinking." Fear shot through me like a bolt of lightning when I realized that I was going to go up the ramp and surely crash.

I hit the bump that led up into the parking lot and it threw me but I landed OK. Unfortunately my bike tires hit the curb where the grass started. When I hit my bike stopped and my pedal hit the cement. I flipped off of my bike and landed on my hands and knees facing the opposite direction.

So there I am staring at the grass on my hands and knees. What does a normal person think at that moment? Frankly, I would have no idea. My first thought was, "Am I really OK?" I tried to feel some pain. Aside from a few little scrapes, I didn't feel anything. The next thought was "Did anyone see that?" Oh how hoped that when I looked up there would be one of the video guys standing there filming me. Or at least someone who had just parked and was entering the building. I flipped around and looked--the parking lot was empty. Not even a bird was around. I scanned for security cameras that may have caught the action. I cursed KBYU's crappy security. I had no documentation of the event. No way to share my good fortune except to tell the story. (I didn't have a blog then) Who would believe it though?

I sat on my butt and basked in the sun for a minute. I felt the grass in my hands and took a look at my bike. Soon I got off the ground and picked up my bike. My bike suffered the same amount of damage I had. The pedal was busted and there were a few scrapes but that was about it. Nothing that would prevent me from riding it home that afternoon.

I went into work and excitedly told my story to my co-workers. I think those who worked with me back then appreciated me breaking up the summer monotony of I.S. I thought it was a good story but it wasn't received with the same enthusiasm with which it was delivered. Most just smiled and shook their heads. Little did I know the story wasn't finished.

I worked and started the long ride home. It was extra hot that day and that always put me in a bad mood. Also the broken bike pedal was a lot more annoying than I thought it would be. Then for no reason at all, cars kept honking at me as they went by. I was off the road but about every 4 cars someone would honk. I hate it when people honk at me. Finally I reached my apartment. I went in, got some water, and as usual, I went to change into some shorts so that I could cool off. As I took off my pants I noticed something funny going on with the seam in the back. I held up my pants and the butt seam had split about 6 to 8 inches.

I thought "No wonder all of the cars were honking at me."

12 June 2007

The Avelanches - Frontier Psychiatrist