Michael's Blog

Stupid, funny things.

04 August 2006

Mistaken Identities.

So my friend Nathaniel was rummaging around the fridge trying to find something to drink. There was a water bottle with about a swallow left so he downed it. It wasn't water. It was breast milk. I laughed really hard and decided to write out these two stories of mistaken identities.

One Sunday evening I was at my grand parents house just relaxing and watching a little TV. My Grandpa mentioned that he had made some homemade ice cream and I could have some if I wanted. I wanted so I asked him where it was and he told me it was in a silver metallic bowl in the freezer. I do like my Grandpa's homemade ice cream, and I wasn't opposed to a little snack, so I made my way to the kitchen to see if I could find the ice cream. I opened the door and looked around.

The only metallic bowl I could find was a little one. It was covered with plastic wrap, and I looked inside and it looked like the ice cream had melted and then was put back into the freezer. I thought it was kind of weird but melted ice cream doesn’t hurt and it still tastes sweet so I grabbed it.

My aunt was sitting in the kitchen and knew I was looking for the ice cream. I showed her what I had found and started to carve out a good-sized bite from the container. As I was doing so my aunt and I discussed our concerns that what I had in the bowl didn't look like ice cream. I told her it seemed to have melted and I continued to carve out a pie-slice-like triangle.

My aunt persisted and I asked her to tell me what it really was if it wasn't ice cream. She debated with herself out loud as I continued to cut the ice cream. I finished cutting it out, and as I put the piece I had cut out in my mouth, she figured it out. I did too.

It was grease.

I gagged and spit the stuff in the sink. I washed mouth out with water while my aunt laughed at me. My grandpa came in and asked what was going on and she told him what happened. (I couldn’t really talk with my hand in my mouth trying to scrape the grease off my tongue.) He said the ice cream is in the metallic bowl. I showed him what the grease was in metallic bowl and he said it wasn't that metallic bowl. Then he opened the freezer and moved some stuff around. He pulled out a bigger metallic bowl, (A bigger version of the grease bowl) and sure enough there was some nice homemade ice cream in there.

One day I was playing basketball for a bunch of hours in the South Carolina heat. I was exhausted and thirsty. I came into the house and there, on the counter, was a tall glass of clear, cold, refreshing Sprite filled to the brim. I know it wasn't mine and I know I shouldn’t drink other’s drinks, but the thirst and heat over took me. I grabbed the glass and took a long, hard gulp.

As soon as it started to go down I could feel a slight burning sensation in my breast. It was cold so I kept swigging. I finished my gulp and that is when I really could feel the burn. Whatever I had just drunk wasn't sprite. I kind of gagged a little and put down the drink. It was the first time I had ever drank alcohol. My Dad would often make himself a vodka and soda water. I thought I would be in trouble so I hurried to my room. I few minutes later, I heard my dad yell at my mom.

"Diane, why did you drink my drink?"

"I didn't drink your drink."

"Well who did?"